Motherhood and sense of self

So many conversations lately in my professional life have been prompted by a photographic campaign I recently promoted asking women to put some focus on themselves for once. It asked a question, “why is now the perfect time to celebrate yourself?” And generated some very interesting conversations with women of varying ages and backgrounds that almost always circle back around to the idea of motherhood and sense of self.

This fact of course shouldn’t have surprised me, considering the current life stage that many of my friends and professional associates fall under - we are mothers of children and providers for families. So it makes sense that a lot of us, when faced with that question, have a really hard time answering it. Who are we now? Are we the same person we used to be? Do we even know who we used to be? What is it about us that is “worthy of celebration?” A lot of these questions, especially for a mother, can be hard to answer because it’s hard to separate ourselves from the identity of “mom.”

From very small and completely dependent to grown or nearly grown and setting out on their own, our kids are and have been the main focus of both our conscious and unconscious thoughts from the moment they were born. They can consume our very being and our every waking moment. The role is not one we can pick up and put down. And it can be exhausting. It’s a lot of pressure, being and feeling like a “good enough” person to feel secure in the idea that you’re raising a “good enough” person.

So where does self-hood fit into this picture? Can we be mothers in the midst of mothering and still have room for anything else at all? Are we still important? Can we still exist as individuals? Do we need to have that delineation to feel secure?

While I’ve never personally felt the desire to “just go back to how I was,” I definitely have wondered if I ever will be that person again and DEFINITELY have wondered who I am outside of being a mother now. I think the answer for me now is apparent. Of course I can never be who I was - being a mom has changed me. But I also wouldn’t want to go back to being that person. That person was insecure and unsure and afraid and wounded. As far as who I am outside of being a mother? I am everything, and “mother" is wound so deep into my fabric that I would never want to separate myself from it again.

The idea too then that I should be worthy of celebration is directly impacted by the pride I feel in my status as “mom,” and that includes (in a major way) the pride at doing all the work I’ve had to do on myself to become the person my daughter deserves to have guiding her through this crazy life.

To me, and I’m sure to many other women and parents, parenthood is a defining characteristic and definitely something to be celebrated.

In terms of a celebratory transformational portrait experience then, if motherhood is so deeply engrained in us and is THE thing that fills us with light and joy, does it make sense that we would include that as part of the whole thing? Well yes, yes it does.

The famous photographer Annie Leibovitz has said “one photograph is not going to tell you everything about a person,” and how could it?

If you’re thinking about a portrait session that celebrates who you are, and who you are is intertwined with motherhood (or anything else for that matter), let’s plan to include it in your session. We can find a way to curate your experience to include “who you are” from many different angles. Starting the day with beautiful, soulful portraits by yourself and finishing it in the loving arms of your children? We can work together to make that happen. Or, we could plan to separate things entirely (like Nikki, pictured below) and designate one day to self love and the other to family love.

The next question on your mind might be “does it make me selfish that this doesn’t apply to me?” Consider me an authority on this when I tell you no, it does not make you selfish. If the idea of getting together with me to acknowledge your awesomeness in the absence of your children really excites you, that’s also incredible. Remember what I said earlier about motherhood changing me? That’s true, but it’s also true that motherhood has helped me bring the focus back to myself in such a major way lately that experiences apart from my child are very nourishing, and I’m at a place in my life that I can see how my nourishment as an individual will directly benefit my daughter’s wellbeing and give her a healthy image to model as she grows older herself.

The beauty of this environment, this studio, the company you’ll be in, is that anything goes. You can feel comfortable within these walls. What you feel is right for you is what is right for you, and here, anything goes.